It would have been so easy to take him in my arms and console him, to extend the hour, to try overtly to give him a demonstration of affection and sympathy. But of what value would it have been to add additional emotional problems to this child’s life?
Virginia M. Axline, Dibs: In Search of Self
A child misunderstood is a lost adult trying to find his footing in the world to no avail. He is unhappy, sad, biased and wary of everything life has to offer.
This is one of the most profound study on how the parents’s expectations can hinder a child’s growth and development. One should not over do appreciations or encouragement and direct the life of children. We should let them decide what is that they want and give a fair reaction not too lar standards and too low to hurt their self esteem and bring in doubts.
Keep exposing children to all the learning’s MD experiences and let them comprehend and gaze what they want to pursue.
Give them space enough to express themselves without the fear of being judged or punished for wrong decisions. Let them be quite and composed or loud and boisterous to understand the world and find their own grounds in the world.
Most difficult is to have emotional expression; many of us put walls around us to cope up the vehemence of emotional experience and use intellectualism as a defence mechanism and so does Dibs in the book.
As an intern in Clinical Psychology, there were several moments when I wanted to let the patients overstay their time and let their heart poured out as much as they want; the only fear of merging those boundaries made me use subtle statements and ways to bring the session to a halt…
“That’s right,” Dibs said. “Even if you know I don’t want to go home.”
“Yes. Even if I know you don’t feel like going home, there are times, Dibs when you have to. And this is one of those times.” [Axline]
He stood in front of me, looking steadily into my eyes. He sighed. “Yes,” he said. “I know. So much I can do here, but then, always, I finally must go.” He started out the door.”
This is what Virginia M. Axline states via Dibs, as a therapist you are supposed to provide a safe space but you need to make your subject understand the importance of boundaries and limitations. They have to go back to the world they came from and that plays a significant role in their life. This is to ensure one doesn’t cross the boundaries become an emotionally dependent person. Your job as a therapist to make the person socially, emotionally and physically dependent and not a broken mess.
Every individual creates an oasis of personal world in their mind and they need to flourish it with strength, knowledge and brevity that comes only from within— only after figuring out themselves.
It’s not as easy as it seems, it’s easy to blame and curse and find faults, when one needs to look into what a person who did something did, what could be the reason of his personality being what it is to bring out certain averse effects on others and the society….
“Sometimes it is very difficult to keep in mind the fact that the parents, too, have reasons for what they do– have reasons, locked in the depths of their personalities, for their inability to love, to understand, to give of themselves to their children.”
Virginia M. Axline, Dibs in Search of Self